To See the Good, You Have to Look

Each time I sit down with a client, which I’ve been doing frequently for about 15 years now, I ask them to tell me something good that’s happened since I saw them last.

Pretty consistently, the response is the same.

They pause, looking at me with a slightly bewildered expression. They think for a few moments, then say, “I don’t know.” “Nothing really.”

“Take a moment,” I reply. “It doesn’t have to be big, just something pleasant, something that felt good or that you enjoyed. Maybe something you did well.”

I watch them ponder, and I wait….

I guess the stereotypical expectation of a session with a therapist is that the conversation will be about what is not going well. It’s easy to go there. Whether it’s in therapy, or life in general, people are quick to talk about what’s not working in their lives. I get that. We’re biologically hard-wired to see the threats in the world around us.

We have to work a little harder to see the good. But all we have to do is widen our lens just a little and we begin to see the abundance of blessings that fill our lives. There’s the warmth of the spring sun, the compliment from the Walmart man who said I had a great smile, the fresh asparagus, the heart-felt connection with my friend Catherine over coffee, the excitement of watching the latest episode of The Walking Dead, the smell of the fresh air gently blowing in the window, how great I felt wearing that new pair of jeans, the fact that my car is fixable and not completely dead, the sense of accomplishment I gained doing something that was hard for me to do.

I could go on.

And that’s typically what happens for clients. Once they get started, the list of good grows.

Quantum science teaches us that what we focus on expands, and I see it play out that way almost every day.

If you want to see more good in your life, you have to look for it. And each time you do, you create new pathways in your brain that strengthen your ability to see it more easily.

If you’re too busy looking at the challenges and the difficulties, your brain will get really good at doing that.

Me and my clients, we’re going for the good.