Face Your Fears & Claim Your Courage

We need to talk about stress, anxiety, and fear. These difficult, yet motivating emotions are dominating our air waves. The energy is all around us. We want to respond effectively—we certainly don’t need to add to the intensity—so we all need to build our emotional regulation skills.

Let’s talk about big fears, as well as the deceptive little fears that sneak into our lives and show up in our behavior, interactions and ability to make choices. Stress levels are off the charts. As people on planet Earth, we face many real fears. If we are going to get through the level of upheaval that we are experiencing, we all need to bring out our best skills.

The energy of the United States only feels united in the chaos and discord that is setting the tone. When our environment takes on a certain energy pattern, the frequency pulls us in and it becomes extra easy to get caught in the web of dysregulated emotional states.

FEAR is a big word that most of us don’t want to claim. Like “Feelings” it’s another “F” word. We prefer to think we are tough and invulnerable, so we minimize and deflect, being more willing to acknowledge words like stress or worry.

I see anxiety is the real pandemic of our time. Rates of diagnosed, clinical anxiety have risen significantly since the co-vid experience, and are now off the charts. Like a physical dis-ease, fear is infectious and contagious and impacts has repercussions on so many levels.

In fact, if you aren’t feeling some anxiety about life right now, you aren’t paying attention, and you aren’t managing the internal stress that’s unconsciously hijacking your system.

Fear is an energy that goes hand-in-hand with change. It is part of the package.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this…. I can take the next thing that comes along.’” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Big or little, call it fear or anxiety, these emotional states are related and show up similarly. They resonate vibrationally, build on each other, and unless they are addressed, have a detrimental effect on all levels of our being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Just considering their effect on the body, which is the carrier of our experiences: they amp up our nervous system, burn off our telomeres, restrict our brain and body functions, send a surge of negative chemicals through our system, constrict our muscular structure, and accelerate our heart rate. 

We also become irritable, overwhelmed, inflexible, reactive, and tired.

Not helpful.

Human beings are actually hard-wired for fear, it’s our innate drive for safety and survival. Our miraculous system is designed to give us the adrenaline we need when we face a life-or-death situation.

It becomes a problem when this instinctual state gets stuck in overdrive—when we are under sustained stress for long periods of time without adequate release.

Our body chemistry responds to our emotional state. When stress becomes an underlying and pervasive state, it holds us in a state of high alert that puts a lot of pressure on our system.

Fear gains power when it is denied.

Conversely, it drains power when it takes over.

Fear often lies beneath our consciousness until something shocks it into our awareness, triggered us into a reactive state.

Whether it is our physical safety that feels threatened, or our emotional safety, whether our fears are real, potential, or illusionary, the energy of unacknowledged or unnamed FEAR has a huge impact on our physiology, our consciousness, our life experience, and our overall wellbeing.

Fear causes turbulence in your energy field. For example, you get a burst of adrenaline when someone pulls out in front of you on your drive home. Your body processes the emotion (the energy in motion). You react—maybe gasp or swear, your body tenses, your system floods with chemicals. The energy moves through, your system resettles and you drive on.

If you hang on to it, raging all the way home, the energy doesn’t dissipate. If the stressor happens repeatedly, and you don’t get or take space to decompress, it simmers and eventually surfaces at boiling point.

We have created a fear-based world that is alive and well. All you have to do is listen to the news to hear of horrible natural disasters, political manipulation and upheaval, cruelty and tragedies, the next disease, the destruction of the earth, the list goes on.

These fears are scary. Many of them are easy to see—they’re right in front of our face. Our task is to face them. To see and acknowledge them. 

In doing so, we create the power to choose a response.
If we don’t acknowledge our fear, it has the power.

 When we operate from a place of fear, we bring on more to fear.
That is the law of Resonance.

It is important to recognize the sneaky ways fear may be rumbling around in your subconscious. Here are a few ways we avoid or deny it. 

1. Procrastination
Putting things off, being indecisive, complacent, or even just doing nothing is fear showing up in the disguise of procrastination. Avoidance keeps you from taking action, allowing you to stay safe on the sidelines. For example, perpetually researching and preparing can make you feel like you’re doing something, when in reality, you are stuck. “Stewing” is another way this shows up. We fuss and worry, but that’s as far as it gets. When you face fear head on, motivation and mission replace procrastination.

2. Control
Control is a fear response—thinking we have all the answers, and know what’s best. When triggered, we become self-righteous and judgmental. We close off and lose our ability to listen or learn. The focus is on convincing and justifying and our stance becomes rigid and unyielding. It’s easy to fall into control and micro-managing when we’re scared—when we’re afraid of what may happen. Yet, control is an illusion. We may be able to influence, and we do what we can, yet as you likely already recognize, there are very few circumstances, or people, that we are able to control.

3. Busyness
When you keep yourself busy, you don’t have time to get a good look at what’s really going on in your life. We may really believe we need to do this and that and everything, but it isn’t healthy. Keeping busy and racing from task to task, duty to duty, keeps us in a constant state of stress response: flight or fight…until we shut down. Busyness, like any addiction, keeps us numb and avoidant.

4. Stagnation
When stagnation sets in, you settle. You compromise and accept in the name of being “realistic.” Dreams are viewed as foolish, and “what’s the point” becomes the motto. Stagnation is a devastating symptom of the fear that what we hope for isn’t really possible. It sets off a decline into loss of vitality and a loss of enthusiasm for life. Depression sets in.

5. Excuses
Perhaps you have used excuses like these:
I don’t have enough time, training, money.
I’m not experienced enough, smart enough, healthy enough.
I am too busy, too in debt, too young, too old.
While you may feel you have a legitimate reason for not taking action on the things that you say are important to you, these excuses likely hide a fear in disguise. When you find yourself saying you are going to do something and don’t, it is helpful to get curious about the reason. Saying one thing, and doing another weakens your solar plexus, your power center. Excuses allow you to self-sabotage and fear to prevail.

6. Challenging Mood States
Fear causes inner pain, an underlying dis-ease that shows up in many forms—anger, anxiety, depression, restlessness, and fatigue. Our emotions are messengers, giving us constant feedback about our relationship with life. Yet when we look a little deeper, we see that a fear underneath: a fear for safety, of worth, or abandonment. Make the time to compassionately explore what your mood is trying to tell you.

7. Silence/Isolation
Not expressing the truth of who you really are and standing in your own integrity is a painful expression of fear. You avoid speaking up. You lose yourself in others and go silent. This is a sad loss of self and a slippery slope into despair. When you find the courage to speak your truth and reclaim your personal power, you find your people. It is here that trust and intimacy grows.

8. Pessimism
When you look at life and continuously find all the things that are wrong in it, you are looking through fear-based eyes. Complaining, worrying, criticizing, comparing, judging: these are all symptoms of an underlying fear. It can be easy to get caught in a world view that sees only the negative, and it’s a downhill slide. Consciously cultivating the ability to see the good and embody gratitude will create a more balanced and happier state.

“I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. ~ Yann Martel, Life of P

Our challenge is to face our fear. To see it, care for it, and address its causes as best we are able. Our options for response may feel limited, but this is where we need to be getting our brain all the oxygen it needs for optimal functioning. We can see steps, and take action. We can come up with new ideas and out of the box solutions

When we bring in loving action, we neutralize the fear.
With courage we access our strength.

Here are some strategies to minimize the negative effect of fear.

1. Be Aware
Pay attention to your inner state. Recognize when you slip into problematic and repetitive thought patterns. Tune in to your feelings—they serve as your early warning system. Remember: emotions are moving energy. If your anxiety gets too big, it will erupt into a panic attack, a harsh outburst, rash action, physical distress…all of which are detrimental

2. Stay Present & Mindful
Fear takes its most insistent hold when we project into the future. Stay with what is happening in the moment. Projecting negative possibilities into a future time takes away your power in the present. By being present, you create space to notice and take it all in—the difficult AND the good. Use your senses to stay grounded and attuned

3. Disrupt Repetitive Thinking
Become aware of your stream of thought and repetitive conversations. Check in with yourself: Are your thoughts rational and based on clear facts or observable data Are your conversations regurgitating fear, projecting atrocities, stuck in the problem, or like gossip, saying the same thing over and over again? If you recognize that you are starting to spin, come back to your senses, go for a walk, Zentangle to get all the squiggles out of your brain. Reorient your brain power toward solutions. Remember all of the difficulties that you’ve found your way through. Focus on what you can do.

4. Develop Self-Supporting Behaviors
Dialogue with yourself in ways that are positive and encouraging. Talk with a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist. Gain skills to keep grounded and calm your nervous system. Set boundaries. Relax, your system needs downtime. Go outside and connect with nature. Move your body. Create space for laughter and play—a belly laugh is like a pressure release value. It makes you breathe, which is your #1 fear management tool. When anxiety takes hold, your body tenses up and your breath becomes restricted. Shallow breathing feeds anxiety.

5. Build Community
Find your people. Align with others with whom you can be honest and vulnerable. Keep company with people who share common values—who effectively speak their truth and who in turn, listens to yours. Spend your time with those who live boldly and authentically, operating from a place of high consciousness and human kindness. Limit your exposure to people who let fear run their lives or who are stuck in limited thinking.

6. Take Time for Self-Reflection
Self-awareness is crucial to transformation. Make time for silence and self-reflection. Gain clarity around your passions, priorities, and values and determine whether your actions are in alignment. Step away from the noise of the world to listen to your heart—your intuition and your own inner guidance.

7. Trust the Universe
Einstein wisely said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” When you believe in a hostile universe, life is scary. When you trust that you are held, nurtured, and protected by a guiding force, it’s a little easier to relax. Cultivate faith. Explore and deepen your spiritual connection. Be alert to the signs and synchronicities that remind you that something greater is going on.

Spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson summarizes the concept of fear succinctly. She says that in every moment we are either living in love or we’re living in fear.

When we live in love, we align with our soul self and evolve, transcending into higher expressions of love and consciousness. When we live in fear, we align with our wounded self and devolve.

The universe holds its breath as we choose, moment by moment, individually and collectively, which pathway to follow: fear or love. Every act, thought, and choice adds to the bigger story of humanity—a humanity remembering—finding its way back to its divinity.

“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” ~Yoda

Stay present, be brave, and walk in the light